What Do You See When You Look at Me?

How can you look past the eyes of hopelessness and not feel compassion overflowing from your heart. How can you feel the atmosphere of brokeness, yet not have the overwhelming weight of wanting– of needing to fix it.

When you look into my eyes, what do you see. Do you see the burdens of this world weighing me down? When you hear me speak, do you hear the hurt from my past, seeping through my lips. Like a melancholy melody streaming from the strings of my heart. What do you see when you look at me.

Was once a little girl, so innocent and sweet. But one who allowed the weight of sin and self plant a tree so deep within her. A tree of which did not bear the fruit of love, joy, patience, or kindness.. rather bore the wretched fruits of bitterness and anger, of depression and of anxiety..

But today is a new day. May it not be already marked by the past. Satan may not use those memories to taught me– because of the beauty of the cross, I have been set free. Free from bondage, that I am. Praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life of my from the dead.

When you look at me, I hope that you see my eyes filled with joy. I hope you see the love christ being poured out from my soul, as if I were a vessel. I hope that you can feel the peace of the Lord moving all around me. I hope you hear the melody of grace flowing from my heart.

May I be a living, breathing testimony of redemption.

Will You Be Bored in Heaven?

This is one the pieces I had to do for English.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She had a talent like no other. She found joy in the little things. She enjoyed taking the beauty of life and capturing it on a canvas. She loved the bright simplicity of watercolors and the dark realistic shadowing’s of charcoal. But there was something about this girl. She was stuck. Stuck on a platform surrounded with many other man and women who had their eyes caught on the desires of this world. Some caught up on the latest tweet while others were distracted by the image they see in the mirror; there are some who would rather have love and attention. On this platform, there are many different people who are all caught up with the things of this world rather than being focus on the bigger picture. But there were some who seen the bigger picture and seen Who was in charge of the bigger picture and believed in Him. They were on the platform and saw those who wandered around them. They tried to save those who were drowning in the depths of their own despair, but you can only save those who are willing to be saved.

The Sin of Achan From a Different Perspective

Through the low bushes and the murky waters of the rushing Jordan, we Israelites were commanded by the God of our fathers to take up our tents of dwelling and the ark of covenant and cross the river. Most of us were afraid but have seen the Lord part waters much bigger and scarier than this. The priest who carried the ark went before was. As soon as our feet touched the water, it started to part. We made it across to the other side of the Jordan. To the Land of Canaan, the promise land.

We camped outside of the city of Jericho which was surrounded by big heavy brick walls. I doubted God’s power that day. I forgot about the many miracles that God had shown to my fathers. About the time He turned the Nile into blood, and the sand into gnats. I forgot about the bread He so graciously poured from heaven, and about water which came from rocks. I forgot about how big my God really was. I remember hearing the elders complaining about how much they missed Egypt. But Joshua still had faith. He unlike anyone else believed that we would conquer the land of Jericho because he believed his God was bigger than his enemies.

Joshua commanded us to walk around the city once a day for six days. So for the next six days, that is exactly what we did. Every day we would wake up before the sun and go marching around the city. It soon got tiresome. Six days had passed. It was now the seventh, and Joshua commanded us saying, “Rise, O’ ye children of Jacob, let us march around this city just this once more. The Lord God of our fathers has told us to walk around this city seven times, and once we finish our last lap we are to shout for the glory of God, and we are to sound our horns and trumpets, and then the walls are to come tumbling down then the city will be ours! Everything the Lord had told us happened. The walls came tumbling down. The city was ours. But there was a very specific command that the Lord had given to us before we had entered the land. The Lord told us that the land of Jericho was a very defiled city, so everything that was left needed to be burned; to save nothing but the precious gold and silver which was to be used for the Lord himself.

That night I couldn’t sleep, I mean who could after such a day of seeing the Lord stand in Victory! I woke up the next day ready for battle, for today was the day we were to go up against the city of Ai. We went very prideful and very confident, but it was very long till our pride turned into humbleness. We lost the battle at Ai. In disbelief, we sent Joshua before the Lord. We questioned why we lost the battle and why we had to lose so many good men. But really in our hearts, I think we were questioning the Lord’s goodness. Joshua came back saying that there was sin in the midst of the camp, and that is the reason we lost the battle. With the Lord’s judgment, we very carefully divided the men to find the sin. We narrowed it down to tribes, to families, down to the very man who did it. Because of Achan’s sin, not only him but the rest of his family was stoned to death, and not only them, but thousands of men were lost in battle.

Protected: A Love Greater Than Death

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

This Place I Used to Call Home

This little crappy trailer park is where I call home. And by the heart of my prayer there’s only hope for it.

I remember the first day we moved here. As if it were yesterday. It was one Sunday afternoon; the sun shone so brightly; it was a sign that summer was on the way. Slowly, we drove around this beat up court. One by one, each trailer lined up. Every one them streaked with stains that had held many memories of good and bad, and hid many broken recollections. Eventually, we made it around to our trailer. The trailer that would soon become our home for the next several years.

This little crappy trailer park is where I call home. And by the heart of my prayer there’s only hope for it.

Tranquility

I woke up to a dry pillow this morning. I woke up with the burning sensation in my eyes from spending what felt like forever crying; the dry feeling of not having any tears left in my eyes. But for some strange reason I felt a peace that I couldn’t explain. A peace that only comes from Jesus Christ. I had the comfort of knowing that Jesus is holding my family in the palm of His hands. The satisfaction of knowing that the King of kings that created the very ground of which I stand cares about me. Knowing that no matter what happens, no matter what this world has for me that Jesus is bigger than them all.

It was a Tuesday morning. The night before I had spent half the night wiping tears from my eyes. I spent half the night contemplating a plan to get my family out of this despair. But thinking things through only made matters worse and more confusing than it needed to be. Before my late night ended I prayed a simple prayer, and before I knew it I was sound asleep with a type of peace no human could have provided me with. The comfort from Him Who created it to be.  Jesus loves me. And He loves you.

This I Believe

This is another assignment I had to write for my English class. The assignment was to find something you believe, and write a paper about it. So here it is.

I look at the tears in their eyes and at the frown of disappointment on their faces as I pull out of the drive way. Their tears made their eyes look bluer than the ocean’s tide. Their hair hung long, tangled in knots. They were wearing their school clothes which were just as dirty as the dirt plains of the Nairobi dessert. They belonged to the slums of Honey Brook. It hurt my heart more than ever to leave them behind; to leave them in such a place as this. It hurt my heart even more to think that people could live like this and be okay with it.

I believe in a structured house hold. One whose very foundation was built by Christ Himself. They witnessed him being hand cuffed and thrown into the back of a cop car. They watched him as he threw threats of torture in the air; on their fingers they could count how many times his threats became reality. They experienced what withdraw does to a person. Now they get to live without a daddy.

Maddie and Jamie, I believe that one day you will experience a place without any pain, any tears, and a Daddy Whose love is unconditional.

I believe that Christ being the foundation of my house hold will create structure because God is a God of structure; if you look at creation and how the earth was created all you see is structure. God is also a God of love, and through Him I will have a love for those in my household; a love that is not based by earthy possessions or by human standards, but a love that has no boundaries.  Like a dove descending from heaven so peaceful my house will be; I believe in communication instead of holding in emotions and allowing them to build up to a breaking point that eventually turns into glass shattering and tables turned.

I believe in a structured household so that my kids don’t have to, so my kids don’t have to experience the loss in a unstructured house– the pain and the hurt from an unstructured house. So that my kids can know the goodness of Christ and to experience it too. So they can see the truth lived out in front of their very own eyes.

I don’t regret any hard thing that I had to face growing up. I am thankful for what happen because it formed the beliefs that I have that will become the structure of my home. I am thankful for what happened because it formed a love and dependence for Christ. 

 

 

He Cares about the little things.

I prayed a simple prayer. I prayed, and asked God that I would be able to see my little sisters later that day; that somehow they would be able to come to youth center. It had been at the least two weeks since I had last saw them; I missed them.

Shortly after, I forgot that I had even prayed about for that. I walked down to youth center with lots of scattered thoughts fogging my mind. I got to youth center. Sure enough in front of me stood one of my little sisters. She was leaning against the counter. You could tell in the way she was standing that it was Maddie.Maddie has an interesting way of carrying herself, but I like it because that’s what makes her Maddie. As I walked closer to her I yelled, “Moo!” Moo was the nick name I had given her a long time ago. I yelled it again but a little more eagerly than the first. She quickly turned around; she shouted, “Brookie!” With tears in my eyes, I knelt down with opened arms prepared for a tackle full of love. Maddie with a smirk on her face asked me, “Brookie, how did you know that it was me?” I replied, “Moo, I knew it was you in just the way you were standing.” Looking down at her key chain which consisted of no keys just a ring and a few gas cards, and said, “Oh, but everyone has one of these?” I laughed with watery eyes. Maddie went then outside to find Jamie. Jamie came in and we replayed the whole thing over again.

Jesus answered my prayer that day. He cares even about the little things.

Patricia Stoltzfus

I am from the mid-west farm life

From the smells of homemade bread and fresh-cooked garden meals

I am from the quiet, peaceable home

I am from the bright colors of marigolds

The ones mom would plant every year

I am from the many roads trips to Antonio, Canada

From my big sister Nancy

I am from the late night summer dips in the pool

To the bare-feet races around the house

From the endless supply of entertainment from my cats and dogs

I am from keeping things in

Because that’s just way things were

I am from the perfect attendance of church

I’m from the northern part of Indiana

From the tall green grass and the beautiful blue skies

 

 

I am Patricia Sue Wenger. On October 21 of 1963, I was born to Norman and Mariam Wenger. I had quite a few siblings; I was one of seven; we grew up in a little farm house in the northern parts of Indiana. I have very many memories from growing up on the farm. Memories of going swimming after a long day of working hard.  Memories of us siblings playing sports. But those years have gone and passed. I now live in Pennsylvania on this farm I call home with my husband and my seven kids.

I remember back in my early twenties, I was still living in Indiana. I had this friend; her name was Parla. Parla and I were roommates at Bible school a few years back, and became great friends because of it. She lived in Pennsylvania; I would come up and visit her often. But I remember one of the times I came down; it wasn’t for Parla’s sake, really. I came down because she, with the help of our dear friends Aden and Wilma, decided to set me up on a blind date with one of their good friends. At the time Parla and Wilma shared an apartment, so when I came up to visit, I would stay with them. So we were waiting in their apartment for Aden and Nate, but in our waiting, some old friends decided to come and visit Wilma. They came unexpected. We didn’t want to be rude and so we waited there until our unexpected guests left. To stay away from any awkward questions and any other conversation about it, Nate and I pretended to know each other. But there was no formal introduction till the guest had left. Eventually, our quest left; so we headed to place called CheChe; it was the place to go back before Chijis, Texas roadhouse and all the other restaurants were ever invented. Still to this day Nate and I joke about that fact that we didn’t need their help to get together because we got along so well and were so comfortable with each other that we didn’t need any help with starting conversation.

It was over a year when Nate finally decided that it was about time that we would get married. It was a normal evening; I was over at Nate’s house helping him milk. I tried to help Nate milk often because there normally wasn’t anyone to help. By this time, both Nate’s father and brother had passed away due to cancer, and his mom, in her old age, was often not available. After Nate and I were done milking, we went inside to fix up some supper. While we were making supper, Nate leaned over and mentioned, “You know, I wouldn’t mind reading to you my life story.” So after supper, we sat there and I listened to him as he shared his story with me. It was quite a few pages long, but the end drew near, and as Nate got to his conclusion, and said, “Patricia, if you say yes, my whole life would be changed”.  We were engaged for eight months before we were officially married.

I then moved from Indiana to Pennsylvania. Like I had mentioned before, by this time, Nate’s father and younger brother had already passed away, so instead of us starting our little family in a small little apartment like young married couples do, we moved here into this farm house. Nate’s mother had moved out into a little apartment so we could take care of the farm. The first little while after we married -it wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t easy either, one of things I remember from when I first moved down here was not knowing the roads very well. During this stage of our life, I remember us looking back and thinking of it as us just playing house. Nate and I, who were just married, living in this big farm house; everything we did–we did together. We woke up together. We milked together. We ate together. I would help Nate with whatever he needed help with on the farm.

I remember back when Nate and I were the youth group leaders, we wanted to take the youth group to this seminar which was a decent while away from here. The only problem was that we would be gone during the time that the cows had to be milked. So instead of not going, we managed to rearrange the whole milking schedule. We came back from the seminar, slept for a couple of hours, and then at three o’clock in the morning we got up to milk the cows. The only time we weren’t together was when I would go to work. I worked as a nurse at Brandywine Hospital. Another memory that I have would be our first Christmas dinner here at our house. Aden and Wilma were here, along with Nate’s sister Mim, her husband Luke, and their three kids: Benji, Chris, and Danielle. We were all gathered around the table. The table was stretched out as far as it could go, and it was covered with more food than we thought it could hold; I say that because in the middle of our Christmas supper the table collapsed in half onto our laps. Needless to say, that night ended in many laughs and in many good memories that would create the annual holiday tradition that will live on for generations.

One winter, Nate and I decided to go visit my family back in Indiana. I flew out. Nate decided that he would drive out later. As Nate was driving, it stared to snow; he had a fear of getting stuck in the snow. After a long drive down, He finally came to our driveway, but as he was driving up the drive–he got stuck. He said that he was thankful for getting stuck there instead of anywhere else.

After the first three years of it only being Nate and I in this farm house, we were blessed with a beautiful little girl; we named her Abigail Grace.

I chose this time of my life to write about because it was one of my favorites.  I could have chosen some time in my childhood, but growing up I was very quiet, very shy and so I don’t remember very good stories from that part of my life. And I chose not to do my high school years because that was a rather hard event in my life. I chose this time because I feel as if it brought the best of me. This time of my life, like I said before, is one of my favorites. // This is a Biography of Patricia Stoltzfus. Trish is a person that I admire a lot; she has a heart of compassion, and cares for the needs around her.//

He Heals Depression

Jesus heals depression.

Depression is when you try to find satisfaction within the world, when you try to fulfill your desires of this earth and then realize that you can’t, or that it doesn’t make you happy.  Just thinking about the impossibility of it would make me depressed. There is no satisfaction outside of Jesus Christ; He is the only true joy giver. It is impossible to find satisfaction, satisfaction that lasts a lifetime outside of Jesus.